Excerpts from 'Feminist Theory: from margin to center' by bell hooks
"..Women's legacy of women-hating which includes fierce, brutal, verbal tearing apart of one another has to be eliminated if women are to make critiques and engage in disagreements and arguments that are constructive and caring, with the intention of enriching rather than diminishing. Woman-to-woman negative, aggressive behaviour is not unlearned when all critical judgement is suspended. It is unlearned when women accept that we are different, that we will necessarily disagree, but that we can disagree and argue with one another without acting as if we are fighting for our lives...
Women need to come together in situations where there will be ideological disagreement and work to change that interaction so communication occurs. This means that when women come together, rather than pretend union, we would acknowledge that we are divided and must develop strategies to overcome fears, prejudices, resentments, competitiveness, etc...
Women need to have the experience of working through hostility to arrive at understanding and solidarity if only to free ourselves from the sexist socialization that tells us to avoid confrontation because we will be victimized or destroyed..
When women actively struggle in a truly supportive way to understand our differences, to change misguided, distorted perspectives, we lay the foundation for the experience of political solidarity. Solidarity is not the same as support. To experience solidarity, we must have a community of interests, shared beliefs and goals around which to unite, to build sisterhood.. Solidarity requires sustained, ongoing commitment. In feminist movement, there is a need for diversity, disagreement and difference if we are to grow.." (pages 62-65)
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Women need to have the experience of working through hostility to arrive at understanding and solidarity if only to free ourselves from the sexist socialization that tells us to avoid confrontation because we will be victimized or destroyed..
ReplyDeleteThis sentence really rang true with me, especially the bold part. In the past including the recent past I've avoided conflict and I think this might explain why. It's not something I did consciously all the time but sometimes I did do it consciously. It seems that men are expected to be confrontational when they disagree with something or want something but women are expected to be more passive. I think most people don't enjoy conflict but at times it's probably necessary. I think being more conscious of this behavior will help me avoid it in the future.